Anonymous asked: What are you looking for in an enterprise social media platform?
Anonymous asked: Have you seen "Inception"?
Anonymous asked: If you had to choose between giving Yoda a Blumpkin or listening to Jar Jar Binks give a lecture on the gravitational constant, which would you choose and why?
Anonymous asked: I did a Google image search of Brian Solis and I noticed that you two have similar mustaches... thoughts?
yourmommas asked: I just ate a pound of ground beef and feel near death. How large your meals and do you eat meat?
Anonymous asked: How do you keep your coat so sheen and full of body? Are you using Aussie products? I bet you are using Aussie products...
Anonymous asked: Who's more badass, Han Solo or Brian Solis?
Anonymous asked: If Princess Leah wanted you to go down on her, would you do it? What if Luke was in the closet filming it?
Anonymous asked: What's your Twitter handle and do you Skype?
Anonymous asked: Explain your dental hygiene routine, especially the care you (obviously) take to keep those incisors nice and pointy.
Anonymous asked: Is Obie Wan Kenobie as cool in real life as he is on TV or is he more like a Nick Cage or an Oprah?
Anonymous asked: Chewy, I literally don't know what to do with my life, can you offer any insight given your extensive space travels and life as a giant dog/beast creature on what I could maybe do at this point because I seriously have no idea whatsoever.
yourmommas asked: Do you believe in monogamy or would you experiment with an open relationship?
Anonymous asked: I see that you're only posting every now and again. If you're looking for some help, let me know.
I just ate a pound of ground beef and feel near...
I don’t. I don’t think it’s healthy to consume the flesh of another beast. Though when rip the arms off an enemy I get a bit jittery when a few drops of blood glance my tongue. I can see eating meat, but I’m much more a fan of Gnocchi.
Do you believe in monogamy or would you experiment...
Already tackled this one.
Have you seen "Inception"?
No. Wookies don’t dream so I wouldn’t get it.
Are you lonely?
I believe in self-love.
Would you consider yourself a social media guru?
Sure. Right before I rip someone’s arms off I make sure they understand that it’s a guru who’s doing the job and then inquire about how they’re going to learn to Tweet with their toes. If they don’t know, I explain that I do a 1 hour seminar on that exact topic for only $300. BOOM! Cash money.
I'm class 3 interpreter droid, working mostly on...
Valid concern but I’m a 7ft tall Wookie with hands the size of dinner plates. Do you think I can peck away on a Blackberry every time I drop into a bar on Tantooie? Han may play that card, but I don’t. Run this one by Solis, he seems pretty trigger happy on the LBS tip.
Do you work out?
About 20 minutes on the elliptical for me. That’s about it. Maybe a little ab roller here and there. Wookies naturally have a high metabolism so we don’t worry too much about it. Ironically C3PO is the one with a body image problem. Imagine that. Obi-Wan was such a bitch.
Your grasp of the English language, as well as...
Do you forget that I come from a place were hyperspeed space travel is as common as a parking meter. I speak and the words appear. Han thinks I’m a bit of a poet, and I’d have to agree. My vocalizations are but timely haiku’s, well placed and pertinent. Is it my fault you only speak English? (Or maybe just “write” it?).
What can I do to be more like Chris Brogan?
Talk a lot. Work on your ego. Use phrases like “peel back the layers”. Capitalize RANDOM words for no REASON. Shamelessly stroke the egos of other social media celebrabloggers. Grow facial hair, even if you’re a woman. Put on an extra 25lbs, even if you’re overweight.
Have you had a "Mangasm" and if so, what triggered...
Usually happens after eating an entire tub of cottage cheese. It’s short lived though as I’m a bit lactose intolerant. Then it’s just me, a GQ and a little quality time in the Falcon’s head.
What's up with your voice, are you deaf?
Thanks. What’s up with your question? Are you rude? I bet you were the person who made fun of the kid on the playground who had a lisp or stuttered. Good stuff. Maybe you even would walk up to an albino and insist they put some time in at Golden Tan. Jeezus.
Are you a virgin?
Ha! Good god. I fly around in a fucking spaceship all day. I’m a port to port kind of guy. Do the math.
Have you ever had to un-friend someone, Chewie? If...
Thanks for using my birth name. I don’t have any friends. I don’t consider Han much of a friend and those 2 fucking robots just waddle around with their pops and clicks all the time. No, no I’m more at home with a good book, some chamomile and maybe a bit of light grooming. God, thanks for reminding me just how alone I really am. Am I bitter? Yes, but working on it with a great...
What's your favorite beer?
Why does my boyfriend always look at other girls?
It’s his lazy eye. He can’t help it.
Is it still a faux pas to wear white after Labor...
What’s Labor Day? I barely know what galaxy I’m in half the time. Plus if I’m not grooming myself I’m fetching shit for Han. Although Leia doesn’t mind sporting white whenever she damn well feels like it so I guess that gives just about anyone the green light.
Retrosexual: thumbs-up or -down?
How about a fist pump instead? Are you talking about the kids dressed like Newsies who drink water out of screw top glass jars? Or girls wearing nipple-high, Betty Crocker pants done up to look like the wet dream of some WWII B-52 bomber crew. Or maybe you’re referring to men who consider Frisbee golf a noble past time and think that not showering is environmentalism. Fact is I’m a...
What product do you use to get the hair around...
High humidity days: Yak blood and Canola oil Low humidity days: Elmer’s glue and Diet Rite Nights and Weekends: Whatever Bieber uses
Do you like your toilet paper roll flap above or...
You know…I’ve tried both ways. The unexplained presence of gravity in the Falcon during hyper-speed space flight lends itself to above the roll. Although, if memory serves, as a captive of the Empire I found daily joy in seeing it below the roll. Apparently Darth is a recovering “front to back” wiper and having the flap below the roll reminded him to “back to...
Cream or sugar?
Fish oil. Shines my coat. Han likes that.
What does it all mean!?
Pop that bad bitch into Wolfram Alpha or contact Brian Solis. I’m a galaxy hoppin’ beast with no home planet and a life debt to pay off. My life is full of fucking meaning.
What do you think of the "Men of Social Media"...
Let me guess. This is your great idea. Solid. Here’s a tip: Putting the pictures of douche bag PR hacks on a blog doesn’t count as credit for your Phoenix University internship, nor will it improve your chances to bang Brian Solis during SXSW 2011.
Have you ever sext'd?
I’m a fucking Wookie. I don’t wear clothes and use a crossbow lazer gun. You decide.
Is ChristianChirp.com still all the rave?
Do I look like a bible banger? I get it, the facial hair and whatever, but seriously. Looks like tweeting Christians are into mortgages, get rich quick scams and male enhancement. Makes sense.
What beer would you pair with roasted tauntaun?
Something from the northwest. I look like those fucking hippies anyway. I’m sure I’d like their beer. Maybe they could take me out in the woods on a Morel hunt where I’d rip their arms off.